Oliver has not been going down easy at night. For the past week he has been fighting sleep. We start by making the house quiet and dimly lit between 7-7:30 pm. We read stories and have a nice warm bath. 8 pm rolls around and we are put in PJ’s, usually read our last stories and rock in our chair. In the past he’d be fast asleep after a couple of songs in the dark room by 8:15-8:30. This past week however has been very different. At 8:30, he sits up and cries when you try to rock him to sleep. He also tries to wriggle out of your hands onto the floor. We’ll struggle with him for a half hour or 45 minutes before he finally falls asleep in our arms. That puts us after 9 pm, usually 9:15 to half past.
Once he’s asleep in our arms, and we go to set him down in the crib he lifts his head up shortly after being placed down and starts to cry again. We rub his back and or head so that he will fall back asleep, but he usually stands up bouncing on the side of his crib in full scream mode. We'll put him back down and say “bed time Oli” and then he gets back up and screams again. This dance goes on until we say ok, the Super Nanny trick isn’t working on a 1 year old, so let’s Ferberize the Kid.
We try and do something distracting for 15 minutes (watching the hot topics portion of The View, Elimidate, or something equally vapid that Tivo has suggested) while ignoring the screaming kid in the other room. After 15 minutes, The Dads' switch and one or the other will go in and lay him down again. To which, Oliver usually gets up and screams again while I sit on the floor next to the crib and try to meditate or otherwise ignore him. After about 15 more minutes of that hell, here’s where I screw up the Ferber, I pick him up and wrap him in his blanket. He puts his head down on my chest and lets out an exhale that melts my heart, and then breathing heavily he falls back asleep in my arms. Usually he’s out so I lay him back down for the night. Lately however, once he’s put back down and I start to walk out the room, I hear his little head pop back up and he starts to cry all over again. Eventually this routine exhausts him for good, say around 10 or 10:20 pm; 2 – 3 hours after we began the process. The Dads' too are exhausted by this time as you can probably imagine.
I think all kids go through this stage Joe. He may be exercising his control :) The way you begin your bedtime routine is perfect and you shouldn't give up on that. At his age he should be in bed no later than 8 p.m. I would actually say 7-7:30 but since you are winding him down then it is perfect. What time does he finish eating? He isn't getting too much sugar is he? Has his time with you and Chris been a little more limited lately? Maybe he is missing you both.
I know it is hard to listen to your child cry and I think you are a softy Joe :) but it is important for Oliver to have the routine and it is important for him to get a good nights sleep and it is important for him to know who is in charge. Do it now or you will be sorry.
It is so difficult to figure out what little ones are thinking and feeling. Once Oliver can express himself better to you it will get easier BUT children are VERY smart. They learn the buttons to push very early and they are master pushers :)
7-7:30 is impossible as if that were the case I would never see him. Monday night I did a variation on Ferber: Held him initially and whispered a story to him around 8:15. He was sleeping lightly in my arms by 8:30 but I knew if I set him down he'd wake up so I rocked him while walking circles around his crib for another 10 minutes until I thought he was out. He wasn't. His head popped up as it usually does when I put him down. I put him back down and said "It's nighttime Oli". Then I sat on the floor next to his crib while he sat there awake, but quiet. At 8:45 I tried to sneak out of the room, but when I opened the door he started crying. I thought I left and thought that I would return in 15 minutes if he was still crying. At 8:50 all was quiet.
You are getting there! :) He is learning. I don't know about sitting in his room with him though Joe. That shouldn't be necessary but you know him much better than I and most of what I know is old school :) Good luck honey! Patience, patience, patience :)
GASP [Pearl clutch]!! You have to remain in the room because that way they don't feel totally abandoned.
If you leave them to scream alone until they vomit it's going to result in costly therapy later on in life. That or they become strippers. I can't really recall which it was.
LOL Joe! I don't think he would cry until he vomits :) You did leave the room remember? And 15 minutes later all was quiet. It will get better as long as you stick with a routine. Believe me babies survive this. If you bend over too far you know what happens :)
He knows you are there. He knows you love him. You guys show him every minute of every day how much you love and treasure him. You have to think about the future. Do you plan to put all of your children in one room and set up a tent to camp out until they all go to sleep or don't you plan to have other children? :)
Now Joe you know that all Oliver wants is to be with his Dad's. Shoot-what kid wouldn't fight sleep to be up with you and Chris. The "kid" is afraid that he's going to miss something. How do you think kids get in their parents bed? WAAAAAAA WAAAAAAA Who's the boss? Test #101 You go Oli! Love, Grammy
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