I so wish I could take credit for the below, but I can't. Here it is for all of you to enjoy anyway...

Hollywood Power Outage Sends City Into Chaos
No electricity for 26 minutes. 'This is our Tsunami.'
By Joshua Gates. Actor, Photographer. Victim.

LOS ANGELES, CA, September 12, 2005 - Horror and disbelief swept
through the greater Hollywood area this afternoon as a minor
power-outage turned the city into a virtual war zone and local
residents struggled to deal with the devastating aftermath.

The outage struck at 1:35 PM, during L.A.'s busy afternoon coffee and
Pilates rush hour. Traffic lights fell dark, local gyms and sushi
restaurants were without power for nearly 30 minutes and many
businesses were illuminated only by the light of the sun and its
blistering 78 degree heat. "It was horrible," said out of work actor
and voice-over artist Rick Shea. "I was in a Jamba Juice on Melrose
when it hit and the blenders simply shut down. A woman lunged for my
Berry Lime Sublime and after that, well, it got pretty ugly."

In the ensuing panic, local radio stations broadcasted conflicting
reports as to exactly which local businesses would be offering relief
supplies. Almost 100 people flocked to the Starbucks at Santa Monica
and La Brea only to find helpless baristas, no hot coffee and a totally meager selection of baked goods. "My mother is 83 years old and we heard on the radio that this Starbucks was going to be up and running. If she doesn't get a Venti Arabian Mocha Sanani, I don't know what's going to happen to her, I really don't." said Lucinda Merino of Los Feliz. To make matters worse, those few people who did manage to get coffee were further thwarted by a total lack of artificial sweeteners on site. "Sugar in the Raw? Are you frigging kidding me?," sobbed local homosexual and avid salsa dancer, Enrique Santoro. "I'm on the South Beach Diet and my insulin levels are going to go crazy if I use this. Why isn't the rest of the country doing something?"

Deteriorating conditions will force authorities to evacuate the
thousands of people at local Quiznos, movie theaters and upscale
shopping centers, including the The Beverly Center, where a policeman
told CNN unrest was escalating. The officer expressed concern that the situation could worsen overnight after patrons defaced multiple "So You Think you Can Dance" posters, looted a Baby Gap and demanded free makeovers en masse at a MAC cosmetics store during the afternoon.

At least 2,000 refugees, a majority of them beautiful, will travel in
a bus convoy to Beverly Hills starting this evening and will be
sheltered at the 8-year-old Spago on North Canon where soft omelettes
with confit bacon and Hudson Valley foie gras was being airlifted in by The National Guard.

Honorary Mayor of Hollywood, Johnny Grant told a group of embedded
reporters at a Koo Koo Roo Chicken restaurant on Larchmont that, "The
scope and scale of this disaster is almost too much to comprehend.
Local carwashes are at a stand-still, the tram tour at Universal
Studios has been on hold for almost an hour now and I've been waiting
for a rotisserie leg and thigh with a side of greens beans for upwards of 15 minutes. "This truly is our Tsunami."